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  • Gamestop Gives Away Free Heroin

    BREA - Local GameStop in a Brea, CA mall has noticed a considerable drop-off in used game sales with the slowdown of the economy. They have tried many different campaigns including the oft seen 25% off used game coupons, and buy one get one free fliers. Nothing was working...until now!

    Who would have guessed the popularity of the churned poppy product, heroin? They are giving out free packets of heroin with a game purchase of equal or greater value (which constitutes approximately 25 used Xbox games in price).

    Besides just being a nice benefit for adults, as well as a special treat for the kiddies, the strong hallucinogenic properties of the "freebie" makes the graphics of every game seem so much better, as well as making load and install times much more profitable. This should considerably boost the sales of PC and PS3 games, as well as crap nobody would buy before (we're talking to you The Incredible Hulk).

    So get yourself into that store right now, because I was there eariler, and now I'm being told by a magical flying miniature elephant that supplies won't last long!

  • Gibson Denied in Lawsuit Against Activision

    BAKERSFIELD - The major guitar manufacturer Gibson sued Activision last march claiming that they had a 9 year old patent for "simulating guitar music". Apparently they had never heard of a synthesizer. Luckily, the judge reviewing the case had, and threw this out immediatly. You can see the report at Engadget in PDF form by clicking here.

    However, allow us to summarize it for you "LOL, GTFO of my courtroom.". It's weird that a well respected judge would say GTFO, but I guess he's just hip to the lingo of the internets. While not in official proceeding as Gibson representatives exited the courtroom the Judge could be heard to say "Pwned noobsauce", and then load up his GH: World Tour campaign.

  • Get Ready to Party Like it's 1999 Dreamcast is Back

    Dreamcast games on Xbox 360

    The Sega Dreamcast holds a near and dear spot in many gamer’s hearts as a good system that died before it’s time. It’s no wonder Sega is renewing trademarking for some of the system’s games. Games like Rez, Soul Calibur have already found new life on xbla with Virtual On: Oratorio Tangram joining the ranks soon. Trademarks have already been renewed for ChuChu Rocket, Cosmic Smash, 18 Wheeler: American Pro Trucker and Jet Grind Radio. It would be great see more Dreamcast classics easily available on xbla and who knows, if these games sell well we might even see good remakes or sequels. Though hopefully not requiring VMUs to play stupid minigames :-P Soon it will be time to vote...with your money!

  • Braid comes to Mac OS

    Hothead games announced that it will be bringing the critically acclaimed indie game Braid to the Macintosh OS. This will extend it's previous player base from Xbox 360 and PC. Now that gamers with a Macintosh can play, the company is expecting a meteoric rise in sales of the game by at least 2 or 3 copies. Perhaps 4 if looks shiny and silver, since thats how Mac buyers make their consumption choices.

    Now, when it works on iPhone, that'll be big.

  • Sony to ready new thing!

    Sony Logo Dollar Sign

    LA JOLLA - Today sony has begun it's search for people to evaluate an addition of the sony family. What could it be you ask? Perhaps a new version of the PSP, one with even more battery life, up to five minutes. Maybe a slim Playstation 3, one with backwards compatibility and all the other stuff they took out after bragging about it for so long.

  • Kanye West loves Auto-Tune so much, he’s marrying it

    NEW YORK - It has been confirmed that as a result of Kanye West’s latest album 808s and Heartbreak, Mr. West has become so enamored with the device known as Auto-Tune that he has proposed marriage and plans on becoming eternal partners with it. The voice vocoder, which is a recording effect that allows him to digitally alter the pitches of his voice to sound like a gay robot, has been a great inspiration to West. He not only credits Auto-Tune for his album’s success, but has indicated that it is motivating him to become a better person. And by better person, he means that he will “continue to make dope records for [his] gazillion fans all over the world using [his] baby Auto-Tune, because shit is hot and keeps it on the real.”


Features

Top 5 Events You Shouldn't Invite Your WoW Guild To

March 11, 2009 by Micah Bleich

You love your guildmates, well, as much as you can love people you mostly only interact with online anyways, but what if you did see them more off-line? We'd like to help you avoid ruining your life as much as possible, so here is a list of the 5 events you probably shouldn't bring them to.

Image of Dancing Dwarf from WoWguru.com

Your rating: None Average: 6.9 (105 votes)

Top Ten Things You Can Learn By Watching Red Vs. Blue

February 9, 2009 by SSXallnight

Any gamer worth his snuff is familiar with Red Vs. Blue, but not a lot of people realize the educational value of the Halo-based machinima. If you're one of the unfortunates who isn't cool enough to know about the hilarious internet series; here is a list of things you would know if you didn't spend so much time doing your homework or actually showing up on time to your job.

Your rating: None Average: 7.5 (13 votes)

5 Steps To Become A Pretentious Asshole

November 29, 2008 by Micah Bleich

Pretentious Bunny

Sometimes just knowing something isn't enough. To truly appreciate knowledge, one must draw attention mercilessly to themselves. So, Two Bit News is happy to present this top list to sounding like a pretentious asshole, or guide if you prefer deriving from the latin word meaning "full of information" (more on this later!).

Your rating: None Average: 7.4 (29 votes)