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  • Left 4 Dead Box Censored in Japan With More Offensive Image; Germany Jealous

    TOKYO - Just as Germany did last week, this week Japan recieved two new covers to censor the missing finger on the hand of the Left 4 Dead cover art.

    Ironically, over twice as many people were repulsed by the new art of David Hasselhoff wearing nothing but puppies. Meanwhile, consumers in Germany are angered that they did not recieve the Hasslehoff cover. A local in Germany had this to say "It's not fair! He is so the dreamy one. I'd gobble his schnitzel on any system.".

  • Wii Fit Really Works

    AUSTIN - Times have changed since the days of the first video game systems. Other than simply improving graphics, over the years we've seen plenty of innovation in the control systems especially. The most recent of which is the Wii Fit which uses player movements on a footpad to control the action on screen.

    The Wii Fit follows in the tradition of the Power Pad, Dance Dance Revolution, and Twister, all of which are especially fun when naked. The most interesting element of the Wii Fit is it's companion software tailor made to help one improve one's lifestyle.

    Other than diet tips and exercise training it also includes an asianification module that will create the user to turn into a ripped japanse man. As you can see below in the clearly not-photoshopped-poorly picture of Ralph Meadows of Austin, TX, it really works.

  • Rockstar announces spinoff to Grand Theft Auto

    CARLSBAD - Rockstar announced today the first spinoff game from it's mega-hit series Grand Theft Auto. The game is called Granny Theft Auto, and will take place is Boca Raton, Florida. The main character will be Sophia from the most amazing TV series ever made, Golden Girls.

    Rather than running around town and stealing cars, the game's protagonist will sit on the couch and steal the remote from you, hijacking the cable box all day with Matlock marathons. The game is expected to recieve massive amounts of protest from pretty much anyone born after 1965.

  • Left 4 Dead: The Movie Casting

    With all of the top video games these days getting made into movies, it's only a matter of time before Hollywood somehow ruins Left4Dead on the big screen (ok, there are a few decent video game movies, but they are few and far between.)

    Some other sites have covered this same idea, but they're not nearly as fucking insane as we are, so hopefully we can present a cast that will keep you all happy.

  • Barack Obama Appoints Left 4 Dead Zombie As Secretary Of Commerce

    Washington, D.C. - Since the shocking appointment of Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State, the nation has been on edge waiting for the big Secretary of Commerce announcement. That tension was broken this Wednesday afternoon when Barack Obama finally made a decision.

  • World of Warcraft Players Are Officially Cool

    Ozzy Osbourne. The Prince of Darkness. Bit the head off a fuckin' bat. Is now in a World of Warcraft commercial.

    This is big people. We've hit the big time! Gamers have made it! Some of us are officially cool!

    Now of course some would argue that "coolness" is subjective, but those same people would get punched in the face if they said that to Ozzy Osbourne, so they can just shut the hell up and bow down to our Epic Loots of popularity!


Features

Top 5 Events You Shouldn't Invite Your WoW Guild To

March 11, 2009 by Micah Bleich

You love your guildmates, well, as much as you can love people you mostly only interact with online anyways, but what if you did see them more off-line? We'd like to help you avoid ruining your life as much as possible, so here is a list of the 5 events you probably shouldn't bring them to.

Image of Dancing Dwarf from WoWguru.com

Your rating: None Average: 6.9 (105 votes)

Top Ten Things You Can Learn By Watching Red Vs. Blue

February 9, 2009 by SSXallnight

Any gamer worth his snuff is familiar with Red Vs. Blue, but not a lot of people realize the educational value of the Halo-based machinima. If you're one of the unfortunates who isn't cool enough to know about the hilarious internet series; here is a list of things you would know if you didn't spend so much time doing your homework or actually showing up on time to your job.

Your rating: None Average: 7.5 (13 votes)

5 Steps To Become A Pretentious Asshole

November 29, 2008 by Micah Bleich

Pretentious Bunny

Sometimes just knowing something isn't enough. To truly appreciate knowledge, one must draw attention mercilessly to themselves. So, Two Bit News is happy to present this top list to sounding like a pretentious asshole, or guide if you prefer deriving from the latin word meaning "full of information" (more on this later!).

Your rating: None Average: 7.4 (29 votes)