Barack Obama Appoints Left 4 Dead Zombie As Secretary Of Commerce

December 3, 2008 by Micah Bleich

Washington, D.C. - Since the shocking appointment of Hilary Clinton as Secretary of State, the nation has been on edge waiting for the big Secretary of Commerce announcement. That tension was broken this Wednesday afternoon when Barack Obama finally made a decision.

The President Elect stated at a press conference "This nation needs change. Lots of it. I'm talking Coinstar amounts of change. That is why, I'm pleased to announce that I will be asking a Left 4 Dead zombie to be my Secretary of Commerce."

The decision was a controversial one among fiscal conservatives, as they believe the $200 billion Brain Eating spending plan might be a little short sighted.

Obama elaborated "I know some of my critics might say that zombies only care about eating brains, killing children, and eating more brains, but look at the sales charts. Those stats don't lie. Left 4 Dead is selling like hotcakes, and hotcakes are delicious! If you can find me a man that doesn't like Hotcakes dripping with syrup, or human blood in the zombie case, then I'll show you a communist, or maybe a diabetic."

He continued "Look, I'm just your average 46 year old half-african-american president elect, just an ordinary guy, like you. I'm sick of fat cats in office going about their day feasting on your tax dollars, isn't it about time we made some changes, and appointed someone that will instead feast on your brains?"

The president elect's logic seems flawless, and the sales chart do show that Left 4 Dead is being led only by the World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King expansion set. When asked why he did not go after the Lich King himself, Obama has this to say "Those commercials annoy the shit out of me."

Mr. Obama, the nation once again agrees with you.

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