Kanye West loves Auto-Tune so much, he’s marrying it

February 19, 2009 by kt

NEW YORK - It has been confirmed that as a result of Kanye West’s latest album 808s and Heartbreak, Mr. West has become so enamored with the device known as Auto-Tune that he has proposed marriage and plans on becoming eternal partners with it. The voice vocoder, which is a recording effect that allows him to digitally alter the pitches of his voice to sound like a gay robot, has been a great inspiration to West. He not only credits Auto-Tune for his album’s success, but has indicated that it is motivating him to become a better person. And by better person, he means that he will “continue to make dope records for [his] gazillion fans all over the world using [his] baby Auto-Tune, because shit is hot and keeps it on the real.”

While it came as a shock for many of Kanye West’s followers to learn of his break-up with long term fiancé Alexis Phifer, insiders were less surprised by the news. During the recording sessions of Heartbreak, West was noticeably detached and even became absentminded, sometimes forgetting his Louis Vuitton backpack purse that he is rarely seen without. When those in the studio inquired about his state, he finally commented that he was not feeling Phifer’s “steez” anymore. Furthermore, Kanye “dress[es] so much better than her now, and she is just dragging down [his] raging creativity by continuing to wear Baby Phat gear.”

During this time of the break-up, West was still in the studio working on and recording songs. After rocking out to some T-Pain while eating his daily lunch of seared ahi tuna on a bed of spring greens and light dressing, he felt the urge to take Pain’s signature Auto-Tune sound and experiment with it himself. Upon doing so, West was instantaneously hooked. Although others advised him of the cheap sounding quality and the fact that it is overly played out, West did not take heed and proceeded to finish his entire album using Auto-Tune.

After the completion of the album, West’s insiders noted that he continued to utilize Auto-Tune even well after the recording sessions. He became rather giddy and often laughed to himself about things no one else was privy to. When he would make phone calls to friends and family, they were unable to recognize the caller as being West because he would use Auto-Tune to alter his voice. This also became problematic when he began to use it during business calls, as no one would take him seriously.

During a recent phone conversation, a friend told West in jest that if he loved Auto-Tune so much, he should marry it. Mr. West’s response? “I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, and you know what…Auto makes me happy. I’m starting to really believe that it is the love of my life.”

Plans have yet to be confirmed, but West has indicated that he would like a spring wedding with designer Marc Jacobs acting as priest to marry the two, and with a honeymoon in Paris during fashion week. For more breaking details on this and other related news, stay on the beat with Two Bit.

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