Category: Parody

Ron Jeremy Sues Nintendo

March 9, 2009 by Johnny Ramirez

Ron Jeremy

With the economy deteriorating and consumers reluctant to spend so frivolously, the entire country is seeking creative, and sometimes desperate, ways to bring in extra cash. The result: Lawsuits, Lawsuits, Lawsuits! The porn industry is no exception. The Estate of Ron Jeremy (Paul S. Martin) filed a $69 million dollar lawsuit last week against the creator of Mario Bros., Shigeru Miyamoto, as well as his employer Nintendo Co. Ltd.

Your rating: None Average: 8.4 (66 votes)

Gamestop Gives Away Free Heroin

March 3, 2009 by Micah Bleich

BREA - Local GameStop in a Brea, CA mall has noticed a considerable drop-off in used game sales with the slowdown of the economy. They have tried many different campaigns including the oft seen 25% off used game coupons, and buy one get one free fliers. Nothing was working...until now!

Who would have guessed the popularity of the churned poppy product, heroin? They are giving out free packets of heroin with a game purchase of equal or greater value (which constitutes approximately 25 used Xbox games in price).

Besides just being a nice benefit for adults, as well as a special treat for the kiddies, the strong hallucinogenic properties of the "freebie" makes the graphics of every game seem so much better, as well as making load and install times much more profitable. This should considerably boost the sales of PC and PS3 games, as well as crap nobody would buy before (we're talking to you The Incredible Hulk).

So get yourself into that store right now, because I was there eariler, and now I'm being told by a magical flying miniature elephant that supplies won't last long!

Your rating: None Average: 3.8 (5 votes)

Games Gone Wrong: Animal Cussing

February 22, 2009 by Micah Bleich

Sometimes game producers don't make the smartest marketing choices. Animal Cussing for Nintendo Wii proves this emphatically.

Your rating: None Average: 5.7 (10 votes)

Kanye West loves Auto-Tune so much, he’s marrying it

February 19, 2009 by kt

NEW YORK - It has been confirmed that as a result of Kanye West’s latest album 808s and Heartbreak, Mr. West has become so enamored with the device known as Auto-Tune that he has proposed marriage and plans on becoming eternal partners with it. The voice vocoder, which is a recording effect that allows him to digitally alter the pitches of his voice to sound like a gay robot, has been a great inspiration to West. He not only credits Auto-Tune for his album’s success, but has indicated that it is motivating him to become a better person. And by better person, he means that he will “continue to make dope records for [his] gazillion fans all over the world using [his] baby Auto-Tune, because shit is hot and keeps it on the real.”

Your rating: None Average: 8.5 (24 votes)

Murder in California: Carbuncle Suspected

February 14, 2009 by kourtnie

Carbuncle Murder

JUST IN FROM CALIFORNIA POLICE - A recent Puyo Pop Fever frenzy led to the deaths of a young couple in an apartment strewn with video game boxes. Suspect? Carbuncle, the Puyo Puyo mascot.

While having an endless-match-to-the-death extravaganza, the boyfriend realized his girlfriend actually knew how to play the puzzle game beyond mere identification of the A B buttons on the controller. Carbuncle became frustrated mitigating pieces Puyo pieces to the players for several hours and went out on a genocide.

Gamers are asked to be wary of archaic Puyo Puyo games. Sega has mentioned trying to restrain Carbuncle in future releases.

As a side note, experts on the scene have reported puzzle games to increase girl gamer experience. Go purchase your $7 copy of Puyo Pop Fever and stick it into your Wii this V-Day.

Your rating: None Average: 6.5 (12 votes)

Features

Top 5 Events You Shouldn't Invite Your WoW Guild To

March 11, 2009 by Micah Bleich

You love your guildmates, well, as much as you can love people you mostly only interact with online anyways, but what if you did see them more off-line? We'd like to help you avoid ruining your life as much as possible, so here is a list of the 5 events you probably shouldn't bring them to.

Image of Dancing Dwarf from WoWguru.com

Your rating: None Average: 6.3 (277 votes)

Top Ten Things You Can Learn By Watching Red Vs. Blue

February 9, 2009 by SSXallnight

Any gamer worth his snuff is familiar with Red Vs. Blue, but not a lot of people realize the educational value of the Halo-based machinima. If you're one of the unfortunates who isn't cool enough to know about the hilarious internet series; here is a list of things you would know if you didn't spend so much time doing your homework or actually showing up on time to your job.

Your rating: None Average: 7.9 (18 votes)

5 Steps To Become A Pretentious Asshole

November 29, 2008 by Micah Bleich

Pretentious Bunny

Sometimes just knowing something isn't enough. To truly appreciate knowledge, one must draw attention mercilessly to themselves. So, Two Bit News is happy to present this top list to sounding like a pretentious asshole, or guide if you prefer deriving from the latin word meaning "full of information" (more on this later!).

Your rating: None Average: 7.5 (43 votes)