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Video Game Hottie Hall of Fame - Natalie Portman

December 10, 2008 by Mercedes Moore

An obvious choice right? Well we here at 2BN have made a name for ourselves not wasting time reinventing the wheel.

Natalie Portman speaks to the pedo trapped deep down in the basement behind a concrete-enforced steel door guarded by laser beams in the bottom of our empty, lonely hearts. In our dreams she plays mahjong in the park with our granny and wins every time. Then we take her home for a cup of hot cocoa and a slow , deep , sensual oil massage and talk about how nice it would be if we dated that Natalie girl. Grandma has always been good to us, even when we don't deserve it.

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How can I pick up more women?

February 10, 2008 by myka

About Mercedes and this column:
So this traipse into column-self-worship/thinly-veiled-right-to-brag
has been a long time coming. I've only been in existence for 25 years
(and sleeping around/making out for about 11 of them) so I am sure many
of you are wondering what makes me so qualified to be giving anyone

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