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EA: A True American Zero

February 12, 2009 by Jack Belmont

COBRA ISLAND - Today beloved company Electronic Arts surprised nobody and announced that they would release G.I Joe for Wii, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 2, PSP, DS and various mobile devices. With this game being released on so many formats how can it possibly be great? I had a chance to sit down with he head of EA's global marketing division and find out. (Read about it after the jump)

“We intend to release game after game during this hard time.” Cobra Commander said with a giggle “We hope we can help jump-start this economy.” Curious I asked about the amount of games and obvious lack of funding during the recession “We at EA believe we should get the word of CO-BRAAAA out to as many as we can.”

Unconvinced this was a wise business plan, I was sent to see Dr. Mindbender, who after a short while, convinced me that I need to not only buy the Playstation 3 version, but all versions, see the movie thirty times, join cobra and have sex with him. [Bonus points if you got the detailed G.I. Joe reference]

We’ll bring you more on this story after my date tonight.

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Games Gone Wrong

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January 20-February 18
Recheck your credit card balance -- if you're close to the limit, now is the time to settle up. There are lots of ways to manage debt like shaking trees and selling the apples that fall out. If you didn't understand this piece of advice, it's because you don't play Animal Crossing, and therefore, are not a complete idiot. Congratulations.

Features

Top 5 Events You Shouldn't Invite Your WoW Guild To

March 11, 2009 by Micah Bleich

You love your guildmates, well, as much as you can love people you mostly only interact with online anyways, but what if you did see them more off-line? We'd like to help you avoid ruining your life as much as possible, so here is a list of the 5 events you probably shouldn't bring them to.

Image of Dancing Dwarf from WoWguru.com

Your rating: None Average: 7.3 (24 votes)

Top Ten Things You Can Learn By Watching Red Vs. Blue

February 9, 2009 by SSXallnight

Any gamer worth his snuff is familiar with Red Vs. Blue, but not a lot of people realize the educational value of the Halo-based machinima. If you're one of the unfortunates who isn't cool enough to know about the hilarious internet series; here is a list of things you would know if you didn't spend so much time doing your homework or actually showing up on time to your job.

Your rating: None Average: 7.6 (5 votes)

5 Steps To Become A Pretentious Asshole

November 29, 2008 by Micah Bleich

Pretentious Bunny

Sometimes just knowing something isn't enough. To truly appreciate knowledge, one must draw attention mercilessly to themselves. So, Two Bit News is happy to present this top list to sounding like a pretentious asshole, or guide if you prefer deriving from the latin word meaning "full of information" (more on this later!).

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