Wii Fit Huge; America Huge Too.

February 14, 2009 by Jack Belmont

BIZZARO WORLD - Today the market has hit a new low but good news is on the rise, irony is America’s number one export, and export they will. The country with a 34% obese count and over 60% overweight count would have a heart attack laughing if they found out about the high sales of power pad brother Wii Fit. The US Commerce Department announced that Wii Fit is the number one highest selling game this month and one of the five Nintendo games to make the list.

“This is great news” one Wii fan said as he ate two slices of pizza stacked on one another “I’m gonna do the yoga when I'm done playing WOW, it’ll help circulate my blood, the padding on my chair is getting thin.” I asked him how often he works out hoping to find a correlation between work loads and Wii Fit fans “I walk to the bathroom and things like that a lot.” He said “The doctor said I need to go more to clean out my colon, Mountain Dew and hot pockets aren’t healthy, but get this, I lied about eating hot pockets, I'm really eating lean pockets.” He laughed “That idiot doesn’t even know.

We’ll bring you more hilariously sad recession gaming news. Until next time, I’m Jack Belmont saying , I love you.

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Games Gone Wrong

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February, 8, 2009

Horoscopes

AQUARIUS
January 20-February 18
Recheck your credit card balance -- if you're close to the limit, now is the time to settle up. There are lots of ways to manage debt like shaking trees and selling the apples that fall out. If you didn't understand this piece of advice, it's because you don't play Animal Crossing, and therefore, are not a complete idiot. Congratulations.

Features

Is my girlfriend really interested in video games?

February 21, 2008 by myka

Dear Mercedes, My girl says she's interested in video games, but whenever I talk about them for more than 30 minutes, she gets a glazed look and seems annoyed.

Your rating: None Average: 9.3 (3 votes)

How can I pick up more women?

February 10, 2008 by myka

About Mercedes and this column:
So this traipse into column-self-worship/thinly-veiled-right-to-brag
has been a long time coming. I've only been in existence for 25 years
(and sleeping around/making out for about 11 of them) so I am sure many
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Your rating: None Average: 7.3 (3 votes)